Christmas is a bit of a weird one in my humble opinion. Everyone loves Christmas, and if you don't? Then there's something inherently wrong with you. Apart from actually that's total bollocks of course. I'll put my neck on the line here and be the first one to admit that in all honesty Christmas just freaks me out. I'm lucky enough not to have lost anyone immediately close to me so there's no rational, sentimental reason behind my attitude... I just don't really like it. It makes me feel weird.
Maybe it's the month-long build up that abruptly ceases to exist once those fleeting 24 hours of Christmas Day are over, or perhaps it's something to do with the unavoidable disappointment that surrounds New Years Eve. Since it stopped being a novelty for me to stay up past midnight, NYE continues to be overrated and deflating in equal measures. (But then maybe that's just my fault for never making any good plans.)
Another mild cause for concern that resurfaces in December.. while I continue to peruse the pet aisle of tesco wondering which kitty advent calendar will please my cat the most, my mind can't help but flit to the fact that a lot of my friends are now married with kids to buy for, while I'm still.. well.. yeah, you can find me looking at festive cat treats. I know how ridiculous that is but I always find Christmas has a way of making me feel like I'm somewhat 'falling behind' in this big old race we call life. It's safe to say I always become a little more Bridget Jones this time of year, not helped by the fact that I have a weird track record of becoming single around this dreaded month (seriously just break up with me in October or November for a change, give a gal a goddamn break!).
It's hard not to feel like you're on the outside looking in when everyone around you seems full of the magic and joy of the Christmas spirit while you don't really feel much at all. It's sort of like when there was that blue/gold dress internet sensation and all your mates were saying it was blue but you could only see gold. Okay that's probably a terrible analogy but let's go with it. And that's not to say that I didn't used to feel the magic of Christmas. When I was a kid, I absolutely LOVED it. But with every year that I've not received my annual 'you've been so good this year' letter from Santa, my enthusiasm has continued to diminish and as an adult I just feel kind of weird and confused about what to do with myself on Christmas Day.
I am fully aware of how miserable and bitter this post probably comes across but I wanted to share it anyway on the off chance that there is anyone else who feels like I do. I also want to clarify that I don't hate Christmas, I'm just kind of indifferent to it. It's hard to explain, but I think the expectation to be so happy really overwhelms me, and everything is meant to be so perfect. The food, the presents, the party dresses, the cards, anything you can think of, the list goes on... it's just all too much for my little head to handle. So yeah, here ends my anti-festive ramble. What do you think? Do any of you feel similar to me or have I just gone full-blown Scrooge? Let me know!
Image by S.Wolfe Photography.
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